


Eulogy

by therearenowomenlikeme



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Deathfic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-20
Updated: 2013-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:59:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therearenowomenlikeme/pseuds/therearenowomenlikeme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eulogies are always difficult, standing up in front of people and talking about how great the person you loved was. You know that you will never do them justice, but you stand up anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eulogy

A generic, grey brick church looms over the small graveyard, casting a shadow over a slowly moving line of people clothed in black. They all take shuffling footsteps towards the building, heads angled downwards. A single figure trails at the back, pale face etched with deep sorrow. He looks up slightly, almost stopping when he catches sight of the church for the first time.

Another of the mourners turns slowly, a tear already making its way down his cheek. ‘Frank.’ The voice is little more than a whisper, but it echoes around the silent graveyard like a gunshot.

Frank shakes his head, still staring at the church, no longer moving forwards. ‘I can’t do this Mikey.’ His hand rises, seemingly of its own accord, weaving itself into his messy, brown hair and pulling hard at the unwashed strands. His eyes flicker, looking quickly from headstone to headstone. There’s so many of them... and soon, soon the very best part of his life will be under one, skin slowly rotting, bones crumbling away to nothing.

Mikey steps back towards Frank as the other people slowly enter the church and the heavy oak doors close with a dull thud behind them. ‘I know. I can’t either. But we have to. He’d want us here, remembering him.’

‘As if we’d ever forget...’ Frank’s voice chokes off midsentence as he fights to keep tears at bay. He knows his resolve won’t last long. In the past week, he’d cried more tears than he thought a person could cry in a lifetime, they all had.

Mikey places a hand on his shoulder, unable to speak himself. Frank copies the gesture, squeezing hard. ‘Come on, let’s get in there before we lose our nerve.’  
They both start moving at the same time and walk into the church together, managing for the moment to keep their crises internal and their eyes dry.

The vicar has not yet begun when they take their seats on the front pew, with Donna Way to their left and Ray on Frank’s right hand side. Eyes unnaturally sad, Ray squeezes Frank’s leg in a manner that is supposed to be comforting, but there is no comfort. Not for Frank. Not now.

Frank wants to cringe at the vicar’s monotonous voice as he leads the gathered people through the generic funeral service. He didn’t know him, his words are empty. Frank finds himself wanting it to be time for his part so he can do the beautiful corpse lying there on the dais justice.

However, the time for the eulogies somehow comes too soon. He watches Donna drag herself up onto the dais to stand behind the lectern, taking a crumpled piece of paper out of her pocket as she goes.

Her voice sounds hoarse as she begins to speak; nights spent screaming her anger at an uncaring sky evident in every word that leaves her lips.

‘The moment that Gerard came into my life I knew that I was blessed. From the first moment I set eyes on him, I knew he was special. My special baby boy. After a fortnight of sleepless nights this certainty wavered somewhat, but then he’d look up at me with those hazel eyes and I’d realise that it didn’t matter that sleep seemed to be a thing of the past. I had my beautiful boy and nothing could make him less special in my eyes. And since then I’ve never doubted him, not for a second.’

Her voice faltered for a few painful seconds as she wiped the tears from her eyes.

‘Wherever he is now, he’ll be doing what he always did best, making people happy. I had 35 wonderful years with him in my life and now it’s the angels turn to have him. Gerard, I love you and will miss you every single day my darling.’

Her speech devolved into tears and she turned away from the assembled crowd and went and laid a single hand on the coffin of her eldest child.

The church remained silent as Frank stood up to take the place Donna had just vacated. He felt Mikey’s hand brush against his back in a silent show of support.   
He was beginning to doubt the wisdom of standing in front of the church with nothing prepared. Frank had been hoping that he would be struck with sudden inspiration as he stood up. His hands curled around the wood of the lectern, fingers turning white as he squeezed the solid wood.

‘Gerard Way was possibly the greatest man I have ever met. Probably the greatest person that I ever will meet.’ Franks eyes met Mikey’s, just as tears began to fall silently down the other man’s face. ‘He was the best son, the best brother, the best friend, the best husband that anyone could ever have. Every day I spent with him was better than the last. I thought I was treasuring every moment, making the most of every single day, but now I realise that it’s impossible that I could have valued him as much as he deserved. He should have had so much more than I was able to give him. If there was ever a person who deserved the best in every aspect of his life, it was him.”

A tear dripped down his face and splashed on the wooden lectern.

‘Gerard was taken from us too early. Taken from me too early. I use the word taken because I know that he would never have left us if he’d had a choice. The ring on my finger is a promise, a promise to me that I know he’d never voluntarily break. I know I shouldn’t be, I know it wasn’t his choice; but sometimes I’m mad at him from breaking it. Pissed at him for going somewhere that I can’t follow.’

‘One day I know I’ll be able to remember him without feeling this pain in my chest and I’ll be able to be grateful that I was one of the lucky people who had the privilege to know the real Gerard Way.’ Here, Frank took a deep breath before continuing.

‘“Oh how wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying.” Gerard wrote those words, and until this moment I’d never realised just how true they are. He’s dead, he’s gone, he’s never coming back. But, in his music and in the hearts of those who loved him best, he’s going to live forever.’ Frank closed his eyes.

Tears dripped out from under his closed eyelids. ‘I’m going to miss him... so fucking much.’ In mere seconds the number of tears Frank was crying increased exponentially. His words stuck in his throat, clogging it and almost making him choke. He opened his eyes and took a minute to compose himself, to try and put himself back together. All too aware of the stares of the assembled congregation, he still couldn’t regulate his breathing.

The church blurred in front of him, eyes swimming with unshed tears. The candles on the walls morphed into lines of fire as he turned away from the lectern. He stumbled down the step and towards the slightly ominous-looking coffin in its place on the dais. His fingers trembled uncontrollably as he stretched them out and laid them flat on the wood. He was now only inches away from the mangled corpse of the greatest love of his life. His chest heaved and shook as violent sobs wracked his body. The church echoed with his despair as he fell heavily to his knees by the coffin, fingernails gouging themselves into the wood.

‘I love you Gerard... always have, always will. Sleep well my love, sleep well. I promise I’ll join you one day.’

His sobs became more desperate as he curled up into the foetal position on the cold, unforgiving, stone floor; one hand still stretched out to touch the final resting place of the man he loved.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this specifically to make me cry a couple of years ago. I succeeded.


End file.
